Some Tips To Make Your Married Life(As A Couple) More Successful

Do you care about the well-being of your couple? But do you know these fundamental bases to keep in mind to make a success of your love story and avoid the "we have to talk" or the "we stop or we continue"? Why is it so important to question yourself in order to love yourself better?

Guests of the show "Grand Bien Vous Fasse", psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, marriage counselor Caroline Kruse and psychiatrist Robert Neuberger, all three specialists in couples and families, give you some essential tips to remember so that you can live happily. until the end of your days and make the best possible choices for your romantic relationship and for yourself. 

Some Tips To Make Your Married Life(As A Couple) More Successful

No couple without questioning 

First of all, you have to start with the fundamental base n ° 1 which perhaps comes to condition everything else. Because, by questioning ourselves, we first question ourselves, we question ourselves for the interest of our spouse, we reassess ourselves in the interest of our own couple.

Sophie Cadalen begins by explaining that "the couple has all the resources to overcome a problem: each must question himself, each must question himself before accusing the other of anything . In a couple, it is necessary to prefer "personal introspection" to the constant reproach between interposed spouse, so we can speak more naturally and simply about the object of a disagreement or a potential dispute. In short, avoid the phrase of "we must speak "which does not announce anything good ...

Maintaining your relationship is also maintaining yourself and vice versa by accepting the management of any disagreements. As Robert Neuberger underlines it " to maintain a life of couple which is sufficiently satisfactory to reassure each other and to continue to constitute themselves together, it is necessary to give time to the other as to oneself ".

A couple who is doing well is a couple who knows how to solve problems, who has the resources to overcome a certain number of obstacles.

There is a relational context in constant flux which if it becomes too agreed upon and that "the routine", as they say, sets in, that quickly it does not smell very good because precisely the couple is made to be. constantly stimulated.

Love is something that you have to constantly try to unravel.

- Sophie Cadalen 

Reconcile intimate love and familiarization of the couple

There would be, according to Robert Neuberger, two dimensions of the couple, two loves that the two lovers could not sufficiently distinguish, one taking too much the upper hand over the other and would harm the relationship: 

"There is relational love , this affective / erotic relationship between the two which is very structuring for their intimate life and reinforces each one in his love identity; and the couple house that is to say all that comes to pass. then graft but it is impossible to ignore. The problem today is that the latter often takes precedence over the first affective / erotic dimension : children, the foundation of a family, the work that leads to a familiarization of the couple that is natural but which too often harms the purely intimate landmarks of the couple in themselves ".

The trap of wanting the perfect couple 

Do you absolutely have to see your couple as a fairy tale? Yes, but it's like everything, you have to relativize and cultivate vulnerability, the fear of being separated from the other to feed your flame.

Caroline Kruse: " The idealization of the couple can quickly become a trap , it is giving the couple a value of refuge, too often acquired to ensure that their couple is perfect. This feeling of wanting at all costs to stay on the same wavelength with his spouse, is doomed to failure ". 

In short, the concern for a fusional agreement risks turning into a routine assessment because the random, the unforeseen must know how to nurture a form of creativity in the couple if it is to last . 

Arguments are good for the couple 

Some Tips To Make Your Married Life(As A Couple) More Successful

It is also very important not to consider that we are necessarily doomed to stay together all life, that fidelity will always be there but that the vulnerability exists, that both are fallible.

Caroline Kruse believes "that you have to be able to avoid thinking of your life as a couple as a freeway without obstacles without having to ask yourself questions as if to reassure yourself. On the contrary, you have to assume and not hesitate to face the challenges. relationship difficulties because it is, on the contrary, an important sign of vitality

We must therefore accept the possibility of rupture. Awareness of vulnerability will allow you to consolidate your relationship for fear of losing it. It is by acting with blinders that we will be more likely to weaken.

Stay independent and think of yourself

"You are not his father", "you are not his mother", it is often the sentence that one hears in a couple when the two lovers wish to face their responsibilities or the choices that 'it is possible to do in your married life. Sophie Cadalen then explains how essential it is to assume your autonomy and not be guided by the intentions of the other.

Sophie Cadalen: "We do not expect our spouse, our couple to take charge of their own life, which is too often the case: the couple should not become the sole source of our happiness . We are above all adults in our relationship so if we want to go out, and think of ourselves each on our own, we do it, while of course inviting the other to go out. Very often, the couple suffers from this. because we don't think enough of ourselves outside the couple. 

The couples who work very well are also those where, each, in his own life thinks of himself. This personal enjoyment is added to the couple.

Go one last tip for the road 

Caroline Kruse suggests that you "try to stay alert all the time, to welcome and arouse the unexpected , to give a little humor, a little joy to the couple, and that in a constant way". 

For Sophie Cadalen it is essential to cultivate the curiosity of the other , to try to surprise oneself, to constantly rediscover oneself. It is thanks to this that trust, fidelity, desire will follow.


The 12 tips for a successful marriage

1. Find someone who looks like you ...

Opposites attract, but it may get stuck in the long run. It is better to be as alike as possible, and in any case to share the same priorities in life, the same goals in life. We need security, we want the other to take care of us and react favorably if we need help and support. So being with someone who knows your world and yearns for the same things as you is an advantage.

2 . Accept the differences

The most important thing you shouldn't do - and yet most do - is try to change your partner. The more people have changed, the more they have given up for their partner, the more unhappy they are. If you feel like you have to change for your partner because he or she doesn't accept you for who you are, you will be unhappy. Conversely, if you try to change your partner, you are sending him the message that you don't like him for who he is or for who he is. It is only if he is 100% sure of your love and if he feels that you understand him that he will be ready to accept things from you, that he will know that you only want to help him. All this is written in the masculine as well as the feminine, of course.

3. Take advantage of your differences

The ideal is that you adopt the peculiarities of each other. Everyone has things to improve on, such as being more structured or more assertive. Perhaps your partner has these qualities that you want to acquire and can be an example for you and strengthen you in your qualities.

4. The Michelangelo effect: sculpt your partner

You have to encourage each other and exploit each other's potential. Helping each other provides well-being and strengthens relationships. Michelangelo believed that the image was already in stone and that he only had to extract the excess to make it visible. So it is with your partner, to whom sometimes you have to give the necessary impetus.
Some Tips To Make Your Married Life(As A Couple) More Successful

5. Trust yourself

If you trust each other, you give each other a lot of credit. You feel secure in your relationship and you know your partner is there for you, even - most importantly! - when you are in a vulnerable situation. If you let your partner assume that you have a secret, you become suspicious and unreliable whether or not there is a secret. The secret itself is of little importance. If you keep a secret, you implicitly say “I don't trust you enough” . This damages trust and will make the other person spy on you, which will not lead to any good, because even if they do not find out, if there is nothing to find out, they will continue to be suspicious.

6. Control yourself

Show that you can control yourself and you will gain more confidence from your partner. Studies even show that people who can control themselves are less susceptible to the temptations of other potential partners. Another great way to control yourself: if your partner is a little pissed off at you and says tough things to you, respond calmly, avoid escalation.

7. Stay faithful

Most people say they would never forgive a cheating, but at the end of the day when it does, couples often stick together, for example because the other has shown genuine remorse. Or because the cheated partner is more forgiving than the other imagined. Or because he realized that leaving his partner would be even more difficult. But the trust essential to your relationship will be difficult to regain.

Confidence comes on foot and goes on horseback . When she's been betrayed in a relationship, restoring her will take a lot of work. Here, too, self-control goes a long way in showing your partner your willingness to restore confidence and that you are sure it is possible.

8. Be grateful

If you feel grateful for your relationship, if you know it is making you feel good, you need to do your best to keep it going. You will do this by taking care of your partner, maintaining your dates, avoiding arguments, etc. Your partner will also be grateful. The degree of recognition seems to announce the vagaries of the relationship, much more than, for example, satisfaction. If gratitude decreases, partners do less for each other and it hurts the relationship.

One of the most important needs is to feel understood. Make the other person feel that you are not with them despite their shortcomings, but because of them. Relationships have good days and bad days, conflict is inevitable. Accepting each other, even when you're stressed or cranky, forgiving each other and doing the right thing are signs that you care about the relationship, even in difficult times. Anything you can do to achieve this contributes to a good relationship.

9. Knowing the other well is not essential

It doesn't matter whether you know your partner well or think you know him well. People who are familiar with their partner's weaknesses don't seem happier in a relationship. Above all, people want the other to see the world like them and their partner to understand them. Thus, it becomes predictable and secure for them, and they come to terms with the feelings and experiences that the relationship gives them.

If your relationship is under pressure, for example, if you have an argument, have financial problems or with the children, you will probably find that you do not know your partner as well as you think you do. You will discover for example different conceptions of education… You will then blame yourself and you will blame your partner for not taking your opinion into account. Make sure you do regular reality checks and keep talking to each other. Not only important things, but also just for everyday things . Identify similarities and differences, dreams and expectations, and listen to each other, so you can compromise and consider solutions.

10. Admire yourself ... but not too much

If you admire each other, you will be happier. It works just like recognition. But you don't need too much admiration in one direction, because that can throw the relationship off balance. Ideally, the partners will admire each other and feel some mutual pride.

11. Decide together what you expect from sex

Sex is a form of contact, but it is the most intimate. The meaning of sex can vary from couple to couple. It can go well but also be a source of tension. And while some people feel mostly good together in bed, others feel better outside.

Two myths: the ideal sexual relationship is the one that leads to orgasm and masturbation is a betrayal of your partner.The right sexual relationship is the one you decide together . Solo sex can help you strengthen your sexual relationships. And often your partner may be surprised and excited that you are masturbating.

In most relationships, sexual problems can arise and can be resolved very easily. Couples without sex for a long time are often on the end, and certainly if there is no consensus on this point. It often happens that one partner over time needs sex more than the other. Vary the circumstances and devote time to them. Talking about it can bring more understanding and rekindle desire.

12.Have children ... or not

Do you have to have children? Impossible to say. Children imprint on you a purpose in life and give it more importance, and if you agree on education, you will be very happy about it. But you will have more responsibilities and stress. People who want children must be aware that they will have to make sacrifices.
Well-being would increase on average by 0.71 on a scale of 1 to 7 when we have children. Parents generally feel happier, but you have to take into account negative effects like stress and fatigue. It is therefore difficult to conclude on this point. A habituation effect is possible: it gives a feeling of happiness related to the birth of children, but this feeling gradually decreases over time, just as it can happen with the romantic relationship.(Source:

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